Your Brain on Work: When You Feel Drained by Your Coworker
Ever walk away from a conversation with a coworker wondering why you suddenly feel so tired?
You know the coworker.
The one who has an incredible talent for finding the problem in almost everything.
The company.
The boss.
The latest decision.
The world.
A conversation can start out perfectly fine, and somehow you walk away feeling drained.
It's not that annoying things don't happen at work.
Or that bad things aren't happening in the world.
Both can be true.
It's just that being around this coworker seems to suck the energy right out of you.
And there's a reason why.
What’s happening in your brain?
Your brain is constantly paying attention to the people around you.
Not just what they say, but what they notice, what they focus on, and what seems important to them.
That's because the people around us are part of the environment our brains are constantly trying to understand.
If someone around you is always looking for problems, your brain spends a lot of time noticing problems.
If they're constantly frustrated, your brain gets a lot of information about frustration.
If they're always talking about what's wrong, you may start noticing what's wrong, too.
You're not necessarily agreeing with them.
Your brain is simply taking in what the people around you repeatedly direct their attention toward.
And paying attention takes energy.
Why work can amplify this
We spend a lot of our lives at work.
Which means our coworkers aren't just people we occasionally interact with.
They're part of the environment our brains are navigating every day.
And work already gives our brains plenty to think about.
Deadlines.
Relationships.
Whether we're doing a good job.
And more.
So when someone consistently adds another stream of problems, complaints, or frustration, it can feel like more than just an annoying conversation.
It's simply more for your brain to notice, process, and respond to.
And that takes energy.
So what can we do about it?
You probably can't change your coworker's outlook.
And you don't need to.
The goal isn't to convince them to be more positive.
It's to notice what their perspective is doing to you.
You can listen without taking it on.
You can acknowledge the problem without joining the complaint.
And sometimes, if you want to, you can redirect the conversation.
Because you don't have to solve every problem someone brings to you.
And you don't have to make someone else's frustration your own.
Our brains are constantly learning from the environments we're in.
Which means other people's perspectives will inevitably influence us.
But influence isn't the same as ownership.
You can notice someone else's lens without looking through it all day.
And sometimes, protecting your energy is as simple as remembering that you don't have to carry everything your brain notices.
Your Brain on Work is a WorkSense™ publication exploring the psychology behind our everyday experiences at work - and using those insights to help work make sense.